Therapy for People Pleasers in California
Quick answer: People pleasing often starts as a nervous system survival strategy called accommodation or the fawn response. Therapy helps you shift from reflexive yes to choice and build boundaries that protect connection rather than collapse it.
Is This You?
You anticipate needs, keep the peace, and feel invisible afterwards
You say yes under pressure, then feel anger, shame, or shutdown
You scan for rejection and over-function to avoid it
You mistake anxiety relief for love or safety
You grew up managing emotionally immature caregivers and learned to perform for approval
A Compassionate Reframe
You are not broken. Your system adapted early to protect attachment. That pattern is intelligent and it is also costly. Relief begins when you notice the protector and meet it with support rather than more performance.
What Therapy Targets
Nervous system regulation, so that calm is not experienced as contingent on others
Attachment repair that reduces approval-seeking and fear of abandonment
Boundary skills that are clear, warm, and enforceable
Deconditioning the fawn reflex and perfectionist rules
Grief work for lost childhood roles and over-responsibility
Scripts and rehearsal for high-stakes conversations at home and work
Self-Inquiry Without Self-Blame
Who notices the urge to appease. Can you sense the space that is aware of the rush to fix. Are you the anxiety, or the one aware of anxiety. This noticing is not bypass. It creates a pause so your body can choose rather than comply.
What Sessions Look Like
Sessions weave body-based regulation, attachment-focused therapy, and practical rehearsal. You get psychoeducation on people pleasing, codependency, and the fawn response. Each week we run tiny experiments. We keep what works and discard what does not. Expect direct feedback, simple tools, and a calm, judgment free space.
Results you can expect
More grounded no and wholehearted yes
Fewer crash and burn cycles
Clearer priorities and simpler routines you can maintain
Relationships that feel mutual rather than managed
Growing self-trust that does not depend on perfect days
FAQs
Is people pleasing the same as codependency
They overlap. People pleasing is often a fawn pattern to reduce real or perceived threats. Codependency adds role entanglement where your worth depends on managing others. We assess and treat both.
Do I need to stop caring about people
No. We protect your care while removing the compulsion. Boundaries increase connection because honesty replaces guessing.
What if I freeze in the moment
We train body-first tools you can use in 30 seconds, then layer simple scripts that fit your voice.
Is therapy available anywhere in California
Yes. Sessions are online for adults located in California at the time of the session. In-person sessions available in Redlands.
Q&A
What causes people pleasing?
People pleasing is a protection strategy your nervous system learned early. If caregivers were unpredictable or emotionally immature, appeasing actions reduced conflict and helped maintain closeness. The relief you feel after saying yes rewards the pattern, so it repeats. It is not a character flaw, it’s learned and changeable with support.
Do boundaries hurt relationships?
Healthy boundaries are information, not ultimatums or punishment. They tell others what builds connection and what breaks trust. Some relationships based on appeasement may protest at first. The ones that can respect limits usually deepen. The ones that cannot often fade as they find others accepting of those behaviors. Either way, honesty replaces guessing, and resentment drops away.
How can therapy help codependency and approval seeking?
Therapy treats both the nervous system and the story. We build regulation skills, repair attachment wounds, and decondition the fawn reflex. We will practice short boundary scripts, values-based choices, and tolerating brief discomfort. We grieve old roles, redistribute/delegate tasks, and rebuild self-trust so approval is optional, not required.
Service Areas
Online, statewide. In-person available in Redlands with access to nearby communities of , Loma Linda, Highland, Riverside, and Rancho Cucamonga.
Ready to Trade Appeasement for Authentic Connection?
Book a free 30 minute consultation. We will explore your goals and decide together if we are a good fit.