Redlands Men’s Circle
A Space Centering Grounded Masculine
Attention: this space is being updated and will re-open later this year. Thank you for your understanding. Please reach out to me directly with any questions.
-Ryan
ryan@cyclesoflifecounseling.com
There's a reactive version of masculine that operates from fear, disguised by rage.
There's another version of masculine that operates from values-aligned action.
This circle is for men who want to build the second.
Where did we learn that growing up meant getting big?
From a young age, we absorbed what masculine looked like. But we were too young to ask whether those examples came from a grounded place, or a defended one.
Anger meant strength. Control meant safety. Dominance meant significance.
What we can now see as adult men is that much of what passed for leadership was actually fear wearing a mask. The question worth sitting with:
What would it look like to lead from presence rather than protection? To be strong without needing to prove it?
This circle exists for men ready to answer that question — not through more information, but through practice.
FAQs
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No. This is a men's circle focused on development, not treatment. We're not here to diagnose, process trauma, or reduce symptoms. We're here to help you get clear on the man you want to become and take action toward that. Think of it as structured practice — you'll build self-awareness, strengthen your capacity to show up with integrity, and develop real friendships with men doing the same work. If deeper clinical support would serve you, I'm happy to point you toward appropriate resources.
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Each gathering follows a simple structure. We open with a check-in round where every man shares how he's arriving that night. I bring a short teaching or framework on some aspect of grounded masculinity — values clarification, relational integrity, staying present under pressure. Then we move into paired or small group conversation where you practice applying the material. We close with a commitment round where each man names one specific action he'll take before we meet again. The format keeps us grounded in real life, not abstract discussion.
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Men who sense there's a version of themselves they haven't fully become yet. You might be successful by external measures but feel disconnected from what actually matters to you. You might notice patterns in your relationships or leadership that you want to change. You might simply want friendships with other men that go deeper than sports, work, or surface-level banter. This circle is for men ready to do the work of becoming more intentional, more grounded, and more aligned with their own values.
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We meet [monthly/bi-weekly] for [duration]. Beyond the gathering itself, I ask that you follow through on whatever commitment you make at the end of each session. These are usually small, concrete actions — a conversation you need to have, a boundary you need to set, a practice you want to establish. The circle works when men show up consistently and hold themselves accountable between meetings.
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Item descriptionMany men's spaces fall into one of two traps. Some become venting sessions with no structure or forward movement. Others turn into performance arenas where men compete to look good rather than be honest. This circle holds a different container. There's structure and facilitation. There's teaching that gives you language and frameworks. And there's accountability that connects insight to action. The goal isn't to feel better for an evening — it's to actually become the man you want to be through consistent, supported practice.
Where did we learn that growing up meant shutting down?
From a young age, we were modeled masculine traits. But we were too young to ask if those examples were from a wounded place. Angry meant strong, violence meant significance and submission of others implied “goodness” eg. a man to look up to. What we now can see as adult men is that this comes from terror and cowardice. The essential question is:
When did the betrayal or experience of defenseless powerlessness occur, leading to the overcorrection into control in order not to be controlled?
If we do not answer these questions ourselves, then we may fall prey to the “leadership” of those who have yet to address their attachment trauma.
And parts of this work happen alongside others.
We Make a Choice
Growing into ourselves requires intention paired with aligned community. A gravitational pull comes from the people we have around us. And we get to choose those people.
If those people were chosen for you by parents, school, church or other organizations, this might be the first time that you give yourself permission to align with others aiming towards what integrated masculine could look like.
As I’m sure you have experienced, there are large and fast societal shifts. These are leading to, along other things, gender norms being called into question.
What’s a man’s job, role, responsibility, place and mandate to family, god and country?
Who do I owe, and what setup that sense of responsibility to “reimburse?”
Does what my father taught, and his father taught him still hold water… or is it a “legacy OS?”
Men’s Circle aims to be a counterweight to the loneliness that seems to be impacting us as men in particular. place that fosters conversations, fostering relationship.
The Intention
To experience our higher self through developing emotional and spiritual faculties.
To grow a depth in relationship with self and others.
To move from reactivity to responsiveness regarding discomfort.
To be small in group size (invite-only)
Who May Benefit:
Men seeking to understand their core wounds and how these impact their ability to engage in relationships
Fathers and father-figures seeking to be more present in their roles.
Men grappling with the labels of 'Leader', 'Provider', and 'Protector', and their meanings in modern society.
Men who wish to nurture healthier relationships.
Men wanting a deeper presence outside of religious centers or clubs.
Conversation Topics:
Core-Values
Emotional Literacy
Engaged Parenting
Self-Esteem
Self-Care
Embracing Uncertainty
Group Principles:
Confidentiality (what is said in circle, stays in circle. No recording)
Respect and Acceptance (No judgements, only curiosity and respect for different perspectives)
Self Ownership (do your current best to acknowledge and self-custody your unfinished business)
Sharing your Truth (let others experience you being honest with yourself in front of them)
Presence and Sobriety (sobriety regarding all distractions and dilutants).
Details:
Frequency: An open-style, monthly group.
Time: Mid-week or weekends. 6-8:30ish.
Location: At my practice, or outdoor locations when weather permits.
Ready to be Apart?
I’ll be creating a coaching specific format for this “service” as the focus is outside mental health services specifically. You can inquire and I’ll place you on a list to know more when the time arrives.
With gratitude,
Ryan
Disclaimer:
This group is a supportive community, not a substitute for professional therapeutic services. It is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a healthcare provider.
I am a Licensed Mental Health Professional. I bring my experiences and skillsets like everyone else to the Circle; but I will be leaving my “tool-belt” at the door.